The Insurmountable Wall

The Insurmountable Wall

uyguguygu   18.43   Comment  

This is what it feels like to run right now: it feels very much like running away.

When I have the time I lace up my running shoes, put on my running knickers, a rain jacket if it's looking threatening, or not if the sky is agreeable and clear, plug my headphones into my phone, and bounce down the steps to the sidewalk outside my house.

The minute the first beat hits of that first song I take off like the starting gun has just gone off and I'm racing against everything that's wrong in the world and I must not lose. Everything is cadence, everything is a beat and breath and the spring of my foot on the pavement, and the sidewalk is nothing but a surface to float over. I am running away.

And then suddenly, mid run, there comes the moment I am running to. Sometimes it's after five minutes, sometimes it's after thirty or forty-five, where I have indeed outrun everything, and the world seems to clear up. All my problems are far behind me drowning in the wake I have created because I'm running so very fast, overtaking everyone on the path I run on, because it is all cadence and movement and the feeling of my hair flying behind me, the world tumbling and unfolding, the autumn leaves dancing down around me. It never hurts, not in that moment, because this is not running for exercise, this is running away and the engine is not strength and practice but adrenaline. 

And I try to sustain that moment as long as I can, the incredible absolution and peace that comes in the center of a run, and let it carry me through these long days. I pin down the thoughts that come, repeat them to myself with resolve so that when I am not in a place where I can outrun the worries of the day I can hold onto the wisdom that I have been given by the movement. 

***

No, these are not my running clothes. I'm wearing a Jacket I bought several years ago and cannot find a link to. The shirt is by Madewell, the pants are also by Madewell, and the boots are very old Steve Madden that I can't link to either. The green scarf was a gift from my sister.

***

The words of this poem sustain me. 

"...in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world."

- Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

Redheads and Redheaded Horses!

arabian blessings Horse horses Life redhead Riding thoroughbred

Redheads and Redheaded Horses!

uyguguygu   19.29   Comment  

I try really hard not to repost pictures from instagram because so many already follow me over there...but I loved this picture my trainer snapped after my lesson today.

The horse I usually ride, an Arabian, was in the process of throwing a shoe and it wouldn't come off but it was flopping around annoyingly and he couldn't be ridden. My trainer let me ride her beautiful horse, who I think is a thoroughbred. He had been shown the day before and was perfectly groomed and so sweet, lovely, and responsive. We also have the same color hair! He is the cuddliest horse I've ever met, which is an added bonus!

Morning Monochrome

Morning Monochrome

uyguguygu   14.20   Comment  

In the morning I like music, but the rest of my household likes to sleep in. As a solution I walk around with my ipod in my back pocket and a set of headphones on. I have three sets to chose from: A set of earbuds that fit under my bicycle helmet and stay in my ears while I run but have terrible sound quality, my gaming headphones that involve a microphone and have middling sound quality, and my studio headphones that have the best quality but a quarter inch connector at the end. I prefer my studio headphones but the adaptor I used to use to connect them to my computer and ipod broke on a flight and I have yet to replace it. 

I also have been setting my hair up in the headband curl thing. It's a very easy wet set that gives me very curly hair, as wet sets left on overnight are just about the only thing that can get my hair to curl for most of the day (It'll be stick straight by 10 PM, though!). It starts out unruly and relaxes throughout the day and I find that if I don't brush it I tend to get better curls, so I take it out and let it be. 

This morning I put on black jeans, a black tank top to protect the shirt I was about to put on, and my black Birkenstocks. I caught myself in my mirror and I had to laugh - with the microphone and headset on I looked like a theater tech with unruly hair.

***

What was I listening to this morning? The Cinematic Orchestra. It's perfect morning music. 

***

I'm wearing pants by Madewell, shoes by Birkinstock, and a tank top by old navy.